For years, the only things I took orally, and let me pause here ever-so briefly, that some of you may retrieve your mind from that trench below the curbing, were food and drink.

I was young! Healthy! Carefree! I thought the corrals of pill bottles blooming on my elders' nightstands were needless, if one lived life well and thoughtfully.

46 years later, the joke is on me. On top of the Crohn's medication, I take a multivitamin, a calcium-plus-magnesium supplement, an acidopholus capsule and an omega-3 supplement. And that's when I'm doing well, like now.

Most of these pills are no big deal once they're in my gullet. (Other than the omega-3, which makes my burps taste like three-day-old fish for the next five hours.)

Getting them down is another thing, entirely. And I've gotten worse, not better, with practice. The longer I take them, the more episodes of choking and sputtering and heinous powdery throat afterburn I get. And so I come to dread taking them, which, given my tendency to bow to the Woo, makes me feel like they're enemy agents, not helpful troops.

Today, I ran out of the calcium supplement. (I figure I'll live until I can get around to re-ordering, I eat enough yogurt to sustain the bone health of the entire population of Sun City.) With the usual dread, I filled my mouth with water, mentally prepping myself for the daily chokefest, and...nothing. Nothing! Went down like a couple of old skool Sudafed.

Apparently, the calcium tabs, specifically, the large and chalky nature of them, were what put me over the top. So it would appear that all I need do when they're back in rotation is... take them separately!!!

Lesson #21: Bigger problems are swallowed in smaller doses.

No kidding...

xxx c

Image by Wahish via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.