I want to grow up to be Old Hag. She is funny, smart, reads a ton and writes way better headlines than the communicatrix ever did in her previous, high-paying life as an ad whore.

She also passes along the best memes. This, via Terry at ArtsJournal.com, via Eve (where, oh, where will I find the time?) is a little doohickeroo called:

Ten Things I've Done That You Probably Haven't

Had tea with Madeline Kahn in the Palm Court of the Plaza.
Sang a song about my twat in front of 350 people with a six-piece orchestra backing me up.
Kept a diary about my diarrhea.
Gotten MY ONE LINE dubbed on a primetime television show because my delivery apparently sucked such monumental ass that the producers could not bear to hear my voice on the soundtrack.
Saw my total cholesterol go from 125 to 450 in one year.
Sang a nonsense patter song clad in car sunshades and garbage bags...on stilts!
Gotten loaded on vodka and Sprite at This Is Elvis.
Wept on my L.A. balcony with the female half of a Helsinki couple my ex and I met in Prague.
Had Shirley Jones hold the door open for me at the old Chasen's.
Had Nancy Reagan's mother advise my 10-year-old self that a man "won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free."

And you thought you were a freak. Ha!

xxx
c

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