The Useful Ones

Book review: Writing About Your Life

children sitting on the floor, listening to a story

For the first 24 or so years of my life, my literary drug of choice was the novel.

I liked stories, you see, making them up, having them read to me, hearing old ones of my grandfather's over and over again. (Maybe that's the secret behind the strength of the bonds that can happen between the very old and the very young who love each other: the comfort-need to tell over and over neatly intersects with the reassurance that repetition brings with it.)

All that changed when I met Kate O'Hair, my first art director at Young & Rubicam New York. Kate was from Detroit originally, but had already lived in San Francisco and beat me to New York City by a few years. She was that good kind of worldly, accomplished and accessible, that made learning about cognac, Ry Cooder and the Hitchcock canon fun. (Believe me, a pedant could fuck up even the Cooder.)

Kate made everything seem fun and interesting and worth learning about, and it was from Kate that I learned how much fun non-fiction in general, biographies in particular, could be. She got me started with Zelda and A Moveable Feast and The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas*; somewhere between Growing Up, Remembering Denny and Shock Value, I was hooked. Because while fiction can be engrossing and illuminating in its own way, non-fiction stories of the people who came before us shine that light, connect the dots and inspire into the bargain.

Memoir gets a bad rap for a whole bookful of reasons. A story is only as good as the storyteller, for one, and not too many people know how to tell a good story anymore. It's a skill, like anything else, that requires a mix of instruction and immersion, and over a varying but always extended period of time, and who has that these days? Some of the skill lies in the mastery of nuts and bolts stuff, structure, grammar and tone, but a whole lot of the magical pixie dust happens with intent: what is the story trying to do? What is it there to illuminate? What are we supposed to see after engaging with it that we couldn't see before?

For as long as I've been at this game of writing, I'm really at the beginning of learning how to tell good stories, which require a whole different level of intention and restraint. My experience crafting the Ignite piece about my hospital-bed epiphany is a great example: some 20 hours went into telling that five-minute story, and most of the hours weren't about picking out good Flickr photos for my slides. It was telling and re-telling, pushing in and moving out, plucking this and condensing that. It was biting into the bits of every thing that happened, worrying the thread of the story, until I found the five minutes' worth that would engage people's attention long enough to pass along a truth I couldn't even articulate at the outset.

This is what William Zinsser talks about in Writing About Your Life, his book devoted to teaching the generalities and particulars of teasing out the true stories of your life. The material he uses to instruct comes from his life and his experience, and his methodology of explication is brilliant: tell the story, then stop to explain how he told you the story, what he left in the story and what he took out of the story, and finally, why he told you the story. There are many fine snippets of Zinsser's stories in the book, his boyhood school, his world travels, the unusual points on his career trajectory, but they never feel like random bits. Rather, like some kind of gentle word magician, he weaves all of the stories into a unified whole whose point is not just how to tell stories, but why we might want to, why we need to.

There are not enough stars in the world to shower upon this book, and I'm not yet the kind of storyteller I must be to do it justice. If you want to tell any kind of story, on your blog, to save for your grandchildren, to make sense of your own past, buy this book immediately. It's what I plan to do as soon as I return this copy to the library. It is an instruction manual and an inspiration, and something I want by my side as I move through this next phase of my journey...

xxx
c

Image by Greene/Ellis via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

*Which turned out to be not an autobiography at all, but the best kind of sneaky auto/bio mashup, and the only thing of Gertrude Stein's I've been able to get through to date.

Yo! Disclosure! Links to the books in the post above are Amazon affiliate links. This means if you click on them and buy something, I receive an affiliate commission. Which I hope you do: it helps keep me in books to review. More on this disclosure stuff at publisher Michael Hyatt's excellent blog, from whence I lifted (and smooshed around a little) this boilerplate text.

December in January: Backwards to go forwards

retro sign reading "stressed is desserts spelled backwards" Just before the end of the past year, I decided to forgo my usual habit of cramming my annual planning into the most riotously busy time of the year. Hence, December in January, where I spend the first month of the chronological new year planning my own, to begin in February.

Of all the things I've learned about creating meaningful goals, ones that I'm passionate about and that will prove the most useful to me in achieving life goals, by far the most important has been the year-in-review exercise.

Reading Jinny Ditzler's excellent book on values-centered goal planning, Your Best Year Yet, finally turned me around on the benefits of looking backwards to go forward. It seems so obvious in hindsight (ha!) that to plan for the future without surveying the past is at best wasteful and at worst, downright foolhardy: how can I know where I'm going if I don't know where I am, and why would I give up any intelligence that helped get me here?

I'll tell you why, it hurts like crazy. Or does for me, anyway. I'm sure there are reasonable and balanced souls out there who could look objectively and even kindly on their successes and failures of the past 12 months, but for a competitive, perfectionist workaholic, it's a day-long (minimum) exercise in high-level masochism. All the inevitable broken promises, brought on by overambition, hubris and a plain, old faulty lens. Autistic people can't parse social situations properly; I can't see time. Cannot cannot cannot, no matter how hard I try. And remember, I'm a perfectionist Virgo, so not only is there trying, there is assisted trying, paid and free, as well as all kinds of experiments in different ways of trying. Oh, the trying! It's a trial, I tell you.

The trying, the effortful, effortful trying, was a huge factor in my settling on EASE as a watchword or modus operandi. Or rather, the realization that I work my ass off for and at pretty much everything made it an obvious choice to say "yes" to once it bubbled up to the surface.

But whence the bubbling, right? Because that's what you're here for and really, as Dan put it in his scarily incisive comment of last week, this is what I've chosen to do here for the past few years, sort of unofficially, as well as what I did with intention from the outset with the Great Year-Long Experiment in Marketing, a.k.a. The Virgo Guide: to carefully and honestly look at the process, and as best I can, to set up metrics so I can see how well things work and where I'm really spending my time.

As best as I can tell, these are the activities that laid the groundwork for making the radical (for me) shift of "December in January" (i.e., choosing to delay my 12-month planning by one month), and the three-month sabbatical from for-hire work in the new year (to be reviewed and renegotiated at the end of March):

  1. Decluttering. I've been on this path for a while now, but my big Clearing my (psychic) clutter push in the fall of 2009 really shifted things, with a huge leap when I encountered the work of Brooks Palmer. His book and workshop were a huge influence on me, and our ongoing calls have been a great assist, too. (More on that in a moment.)
  2. Nei Kung. I'd stumbled on James Borrelli's site a long time ago, and was intrigued by the idea of a practice even more internal than t'ai chi or qigong (which my old acupuncturist, to her credit, kept gently pushing me towards). I've been doing Nei Kung practice daily for the past five weeks and the shifts, while not always happy, have already been surprisingly significant. Whether it's the Nei Kung, all the emotional groundwork done before, committing to a daily physical practice or some combination (most likely, I'm guessing), it's a definite keeper. Big major shoutout to fellow blogger and Nei Kung enthusiast Alan Furth, who gave me the final nudge to try it. Because it ain't cheap and I usually am.
  3. Daily walks. I've been doing these since The BF first adopted Arnie, roughly two years ago. I can now recognize the sluggishness I get when I miss a day or two. I remember a similar thing happening when I first started walking during my convalescence from the Crohn's onset in 2002. Again, part of it is the physical, part is probably just the regularity of it.
  4. Monthly shrinkage. Ongoing since 2001. I went weekly for a few years (oh, the good insurance days!), took a break for a bit, and came back for monthly tuneup/checkins. Again, not cheap, but the value of having a sane person to check in with when the compass you shipped with is a wonky one can't be calculated.
  5. Success Team, EstroFest, Google Wave with Dave and assorted other collaborative ventures. If you don't have ongoing accountability and support, get it. No one does this alone, no one. It's good to have friends, too, with their kind, Kleenex-upholstered shoulders (and even as touchstones), but committed, ongoing peer support makes it happen.
  6. Money. I've made less and less money each year since I quit acting. (I know, hilarious, right?) Which makes me even happier that I had a fat nest egg to start with. I had a goodly windfall of the bittersweet kind (father dying), but I also had a considerable amount put aside of my own. I have been a squirreler-of-funds since I had nickel #2 to rub together with nickel #1, and have invested in all kinds of crazy people-fueled ventures as well as an IRA and stocks just so I know there's always something growing, somewhere. (I'm not in a position to invest now, obviously, so don't bother asking.) Having this cushion gives me the freedom to follow my path. I cannot emphasize that enough!

The above are what I'd characterize as the "positives" that fueled this decision. There were also some negatives, and they're important, too:

  1. Overcommitting in 2009. My default solution to any problem is to throw more me at it. Unfortunately, there's less me to go around as I get older (even as there's more me in certain places), so I'm having to reexamine my methodology. I was extremely burned out by the beginning of December; I could not get enough rest, it felt like. Plus I had such a crowded schedule from a combination of saying "yes" to things, wanting to try things and my natural tendency towards workaholism that there was never any time to step back and reflect. Nothing like being on a hamster wheel of your own creation. I know, I know, they're ALL of our own creation. Still. Not like I had two kids and a spouse and a boss and a mortgage. A self-employed single person in a rent-controlled apartment? Please.
  2. Dissatisfaction with consulting business model. I love aspects of consulting, but the wear and tear on me is phenomenal. In addition, I know I did a bad job both of managing expectations and establishing boundaries. I had no way of knowing how much I'd suck at certain aspects of this until I tried it (nor of how much I'd enjoy others), so I'm glad I did. If/when I pick it up again, my way of doing it will be very, very different: more clearly defined, better managed and most likely, more expensive. (I'm open to any interesting ideas about this, by the way.)
  3. Unsatisfied yearnings. While I did enjoy running the Biznik meetups, doing the consulting work, co-hosting Presentation Camp, etc., I found the greatest satisfaction in writing, meeting people I really clicked with and spending time with them (most of whom I found via writing and reading) and the little bit of reading I did. I also loved doing so much speaking, but the exhilaration I felt doing the Ignite presentation vs. the business-related presentations. I'm not sure what that means yet in terms of what to do moving forward, but it bears further examination.
  4. Ill health. Fortunately, I had only one major health issue this year, back in the spring, when I pushed myself too hard and strayed too far off my diet. And even more fortunately, I was able to pull myself back without resorting to steroids, as I've usually done. Still, this scared the crap out of me, both literally and figuratively. (Ah, Crohn's! What a delight you are, my little barometer!) I really want to get off of the meds I'm on, and that can't happen until I've implemented much better self-care habits.

There were other indicators that I was drifting into the red zone: alcohol usage creep; laziness/anxiety-fueled poor eating habits; increased nail and cuticle biting; poor sleep; off-the-charts web surfing and viewing of comfort films. I know way too much about the habits of a certain fameball and the people who watch her, and if my copy of Play Misty for Me was an LP, it would be worn smooth. Thank whomever I gave up cable, at least.

Modesty prohibits me making an exhaustive list of what I'd consider to be my successes of the past year, but I did list them, and if I may be immodest for just the one minute, I produced a crapload of work last year, and made many, many breakthroughs. I'm most pleased with the quantity, and quality, of the writing I committed to; that it was the one goal I actually followed through on is rather telling. I fell one post short of my goal of 260, and did not miss a month of my acting column or newsletter, nor a week of posting at the Virgo Guide.

You'd think I'd look at all this and come up with the simple answer to just write my ass off, and to hell with the rest. Alas, the sum total of money I made from writing last year wouldn't keep me in expenses for more than a month. My savings, while ample enough for now, can't fund this experiment indefinitely, so I'll have to figure out how to make money writing, or to make money doing something else with a low mental load so I can reserve strength for writing. The ideal scenario workwise seems to be Gladwellian: a 90/10 or 95/5 ratio of writing to speaking, and always on what interests me. I don't need nearly the cash our boy Malcolm makes, but I need that ratio.

Is it realistic? Not in year one, and maybe never. At least I have a picture in my head of what the best future looks like, and a start with some role models...

xxx c

Image by rick via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

December in January: Goal-setting around the web

painting of someone's home computer network

Just before the end of the past year, I decided to forgo my usual habit of cramming my annual planning into the most riotously busy time of the year. Hence, “December in January,” where I spend the first month of the chronological new year planning my own, to begin in February.

I'm deeply enmeshed in unpacking Dan Owen's staggeringly thought-provoking comment of a few days ago; more on that soon, possibly as soon as Monday. But for now, while the rest of the Internet has moved on and is attacking 2010 with glorious gusto, I thought it might be nice to share some of the best posts, ideas and resources I've collected for woodwork-squeaks-and-out-come-us-freaks types who said "Hell!" to all that, and are enjoying December in January. Or hey, if you're like that, you can always bookmark it for consumption later this year!

One-Word Annual Theme stuff

Christine Kane, whom I saw perform at SOBCon 2008 (and whom I can personally vouch for being the real deal), has been doing one-word themes for years now. So she's really well qualified to help other people with the process, and has done so most generously via a terrific downloadable PDF that walks you through a possible process for DIY-ing it. She suggests that you may want to get some help in the form of collaborators or support, and I heartily endorse that, too. But if you're a stubborn cuss, you can go it alone.

Jared Goralnick has been a friend for a couple of years now (we met at SOBCon 2008, as well, come to think of it, that really was a bang-up event!). While he's roughly 20 years my junior, he is waaay far ahead of me at setting and keeping and tracking goals, and he's got a post from 1999, before I was ON the damn web!, to prove it. Here is Jared's post on his theme for 2010; you can access previous years through it. Even better (to my mind) is his thoughtful review of 2009, which gives a peek into the "why" of the 2010 word.

I didn't know about Ali Edwards until I stumbled across her this year, but she's another old hand at this one-word thing. Her post on 2010's word is here; she did an interesting series of posts on how she compiles a book for each year, the last of which has lots of pictures of the finished project. I'm not a big mind-mapper or scrapper, but I do enjoy reading about other people's more tactile/visual processes, and think there's always value in discovering new methodologies, even if I don't implement them. (I need to break myself of this habit though, as regards recipe-clipping. Ugh.)

It's a little more than one word, two more, to be exact, but I always love reading about Chris Brogan's theme words for the year. He's another guy I've watched skyrocket to success over the few years I've known him, and I've known him well enough to know the methodicalness behind his mad success. In other words, it's a 1,000 little steps you don't see for every one you do. Here's Chris's post for 2010; it includes great info about how to go about the process of determination yourself, and provides links to his previous years.

Alt-goal-setting stuff

I discovered and met artist-teacher Lisa Sonora Beam in the space of several weeks late last year. It was one of those off-to-the-races relationships, facilitated by Lisa's maintaining a brief residency just over the pass. Lisa does a lot of very strategic work with collage and definitely speaks in fluent "artist." She's writing a terrific 4-part series on how to plan your year AND make your own cool planner, which should be right up your alley if you're a visual-artistic type. (Read: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4) If you're a creative business owner, you might also be interested in her book, The Creative Entrepreneur, which is the most unorthodox methodology for coming up with a business plan I've ever seen. (Which is a good thing!)

I found Lisa Sonora Beam's posts via an excellent year-end round-up by Alexia Petrakos. In it are resources from my other friends Pam Slim & Charlie Gilkey, Chris Brogan and Chris Guillebeau which I would have linked to separately, but Alexia thoughtfully did my curation for me. Yay, Alexia! Also, she stuck my 2009 "100 Things" posts there. Again, yay, Alexia!

Miscellaneous goal-type stuff

Julien Smith has been such a big influence on my reading list since I discovered him; his repeated, deliberate attempts to read a book a week are truly inspirational. So I confess, when I saw this helpful post about how he actually managed to read a book a week in 2009 (after years of trying), I jumped ahead and committed to it (reserving the right to dump it in February if it doesn't align with my final goals). So far, I'm on track, and love it. Simple but effective methodology, and actually reading these books regularly and intentionally is already having a positive effect.

I skip most "Best of" lists, as they're kind of junk-food posts, for the most part. But Rex Sorgatz's outstanding 30 best blogs of 2009 post is thoughtfully curated and very instructional for those of us who have a blog figuring greatly into our goals. In short? I would very much like to make a year-end list of such quality at some point, so it's worth it to me to pay attention to what makes the cut with the kind of reader who would write something this wise.

What else?

I've written other posts about goal-setting that link to other resources about goal-setting in that recursive way things tend to go on the Internet. The December and January columns I write for Casting Network's monthly newsletter tend to dig into reviewing and planning; there are also strategic resources for unsticking yourself throughout (actors being a necessarily self-involved lot, they tend to need a lot of regular jarring and unsticking).

UPDATES:

Here are two posts I found from publisher Michael Hyatt: one on the looking-backwards process (a great, much SHORTER, possibly more fun version than Jinny Ditzler's for the impatient); one on setting S.M.A.R.T. goals (i.e., Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-Bound) to make sure they have the best chance of sticking. (via Rachelle Gardner)

I'd love to know of any resources I missed, and I'm sure other people would, as well. What are your favorites? All-time and of late? Please share them with fellow travelers in the comments!

xxx
c

Image by karin dalziel via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

Book review: Confessions of a Public Speaker

I was prepared both to like and to loathe Scott Berkun's newest book, Confessions of a Public Speaker.

"Like" because I've enjoyed reading his blog off and on for a while now. Berkun is a forthright and engaging writer who not only shares a ton of good, practical information, but does it with stylish essays on the kinds of topics, like how to detect bullshit, that make me fall in love with the web all over again every time I find one. And hey, he's successfully made the transition from corporate gig to self-employment at something he loves, right there, that's something to like.

"Loathe" because, well, between the title that hinted at dig-me grandstanding and the godawful horrorshow that pretty much everything I've read on the topic has been thus far, my hopes weren't high.

What I hadn't expected is that I'd neither like nor loathe Confessions of a Public Speaker, but absolutely love it.

The book is every bit as smart and fun (and at times, outright funny) as Berkun is when he calls bullsh*t on the social media echo chamber on his blog or gives an Ignite talk about how to give an Ignite talk. It's generous and comprehensive and most importantly, it's both of these things while remaining page-turning-ly readable, if that's a thing. (And if it isn't, it should be.)

Because while Berkun shares valuable information like the importance of feedback (and of asking for it properly), the secrets to vanquishing stage fright and the mechanics of making the room work for you, he does it from the context of his own considerable experience, using stories and examples from his successes and flop-sweat failures to illustrate what works and what doesn't, and how to do the one while (mostly) avoiding the other. In this, his method is much like Gretchen Rubin's recent The Happiness Project, which I similarly loved for its humble-but-useful first-person narrative.

High signal-to-noise ratio isn't much use to me if the content is dull, dry and plodding. This is a rich and richly researched book that reads like a house afire because Berkun has done with the book exactly what he exhorts us to in the book: put the hard work into the prep, so the user experience is enjoyable without compromising on content. His meticulous care is there at every turn, if you care to look, the mix of lists and photos, of scientific and anecdotal evidence, but you won't notice it at first glance, because he's there to do the opposite of making himself look good: he's there for us, serving up the material we need in the best possible way for us to learn it. Like great skaters or dancers, you don't see the work that goes into the work; you just enjoy the well-crafted end result. (Well, until you get to the beyond-due-diligence, double-bibliography at the end. No, really: one is a list, and the other a weighted list. Ingenious and humbling.)

If you're a speaker on the path or just someone who wants to get better at relaying information out loud, you cannot do better than this wonderful book. But you will have to get your own copy: this is one I'm keeping, decluttering project or not...

xxx
c

Image by Scott Schram via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

Book review: The Happiness Project

Full disclosure: Gretchen Rubin is a friend. But I was a reader and fan of her blog long before we even met, and there's no way I'd have done an elaborate pre-launch pimpage post if I didn't think this book was so terrific. Also, this review was based on my reading of an uncorrected proof; there may have been minor changes in the book that ultimately went to press.

I have long had a love/hate relationship with self-help books: I love finding new ways to wake myself up, fresh strategies for altering the course of my life, novel frameworks that give me a real look at myself; I hate the dull and plodding style most of them are served up in.

Gretchen Rubin's newest book, The Happiness Project, escapes both the pedantry trap (i.e., scholarly tracts with snooze-a-licious prose) and the newage-rhymes-with-sewage, self-important, Lite Lifeâ„¢ Solutions b.s. of the quick-to-market "guru" book. Its content is both well-researched and delightfully served up, evidence of not only a fine mind and truly generous soul, but someone who reads lots of ACTUAL BOOKS for the purposes of ENJOYMENT and SELF-EDUCATION.

Like Aristotle! Montaigne! Schopenhauer!

But also A.J. Jacobs! Joan Didion! Daniel Pink!

Even Elizabeth Gilbert, that wonderful lady writer everyone now feels it's their bounden duty to crap on* because she committed the heinous sin of writing (gasp...the horror!) a P-O-P-U-L-A-R  best seller (and going on Oprah to talk about it). One of the most impressive parts of Rubin's book is the Suggestions for Further Reading, at the end, where she lists 76+ sources** that run the gamut, genre-wise, from philosophy to science to fiction.

Why is this so fantastic? Because Rubin is a synthesizer, one of that rare breed who can take things in from multiple sources, parse them wisely, and smoosh them into beautiful new ideas and practical suggestions the rest of us can benefit from. Most likely, she finds patterns without even trying, because she's trained her brain to note and sift so deftly. And then, in the case of a project like this, she finds ways to apply all this good learning to herself, further filtering it through her own experience, and finally reporting on it in such a clean, spry, engaging fashion, we don't see the work that went into it, we just get what we need out of it.***

And what do we need from a project about finding happiness?

Direction, for one. Effecting meaningful change is tough stuff, and if there's one thing that requires big-time change, it's moving from asleep to awake, from unhappy to happy, or, hardest of all, from asleep to happy. It's necessarily a self-directed, one-of-a-kind thing, since we're all special snowflakes; how do you go about teaching that?

I think we find our way by studying the great synthesizers before us, which is why I've long preferred biography and memoir to other forms of self-help nonfiction. Rubin agrees. As she says in her opening note to the reader, "I often learn more from one person's highly idiosyncratic experiences than I do from sources that detail universal principles or cite up-to-date studies."**** We read her well-told tales of struggling with exercise, with spending, with keeping her temper; we watch her apply her book knowledge in real time, see the ease that it brings, and start to look at how we might apply this learning to our own peculiar areas of fucked-up-ness. Are her solutions, a 20-minute circuit with a trainer, soliciting help from her mother to buy needful things in bulk, singing in the morning, mine? Nope. Not even close. But the process she goes through to find the solutions could be, and that she does it is inspiring.

Process and inspiration aside, the book is bursting with great, concrete ideas for changing your own life for the better. You may not recognize them as such, since Rubin is about as far from a proselytizer as you can get, but they're there, and in abundance. And there are even more at her blog, and in the communities that have sprung up around the Happiness Project Toolbox, her DIY-with-support site she's set up to complement the book. (And if you're wondering, no, the book is not repurposed content from the website, but longer stories told with more detail, with lots of never-before-seen material. It actually is an object lesson in the differences between good blog writing and good book writing.)

Before you even think about changing your own life, though, just read the book. Bask in the sunny pleasures of good writing on a useful topic.

If nothing else, this will make you happier...

xxx
c

BONUS! Erin Rooney Doland, who writes at Unclutterer and wrote a really great book herself recently, posted an excellent review of The Happiness Project on her blog. In addition to thoughtful observations about Gretchen's process, Erin makes some really good points about the connection between happiness and decluttering and of getting clear on your goals before you get going with any project. A great read for the start of the new year.

*Yeah, I didn't like the "love" part so much either, but you know what? That book still kicks more ass than you'll ever admit. And I love Oprah.

**The "+" part, because she's read the entire Samuel Johnson canon, no doubt, and a slew of things that probably weren't 100% salient to the discussion, so she left them off. Because, as I said, this woman is about reading for the right reasons (ENJOYMENT! EDUCATION!), not the icky ones, like trying to impress people with her bowing library shelves.

***In acting, which Gretchen also developed an interest in learning about, because she is that way, we talk about "catching someone acting." You rarely catch Meryl Streep doing this; you catch people on soaps and three-camera s(h)itcoms and even Important Oscar-worthy Films all the time. If that example doesn't work for you, think of how ice skaters make it look easy, or of the difference between the very elegant Fred Astaire and the very muscular Gene Kelly: they were both terrific dancers, but only Fred made it look easy.

****"Or talk out of their opportunist, I-have-a-theory asses." , Colleen Wainwright

Image by juhansonin via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

Referral Friday: Harry & David pears

Referral Friday is an ongoing series inspired by John Jantsch's Make-a-Referral Week. For more about that, and loads more referrals for everything from cobblers to coaches to gee-tar teachers, start here. Pass it on, baby! I've mostly given up on giving gifts for the holiday season.

Personally, I have everything I need, and most of what I want; the rest, I am being very careful to let into my life only after careful consideration. An intense bout of decluttering does nothing so well as point out how very much your stuff can own you if you stop paying attention.

I also am of the belief that while it's lovely to receive and give gifts, it's stressful for most people in the context of this season of high expectations. If you have kids, fine: you get a pass. The BF has gotten some lovely gifts for his kids, but even those are much more carefully chosen "big" gifts they've thought about for awhile: an iPod Touch (with an accompanying email address, which may be the biggest deal) and a "today my son, you are a man" gift to the World of Warcraft. (Ugh. But I liked enough weird stuff when I was their age that I can't really say anything.)

What I want most around the holidays, or any days, these days, come to think of it, is time: to think, to noodle, to dream and rest and frolic and plan, and to do it all as the spirit moves me, solo or in partnership.

But I also want pears.

Big, fat, juicy, golden-with-a-blush-of-pink pears, each wrapped in its own foil jacket, nestled in its own green-tissue-papered cubby, delivered to my door from magic trees in Medford, Oregon by fruit elves. Okay, the USPS, by way of Harry & David.

We have given these pears to each other in my family for, well, I forget. Long enough that it's unthinkable to give up the tradition. I may have skipped a year right after the Great Giver of Pears, my dad, passed on to that pear orchard in the sky, but it just ain't a holiday without those ungodly delicious, indescribably glorious, HEAVY pieces of What Heaven Must Taste Like.

Today (Friday, December 18) is the last day you can get free Christmas delivery on your Harry & David purchases. I suggest you jump on it while you can.

Ho ho ho.

And you're welcome.

xxx

c

eBook Review: What Matters Now

Yesterday, in a stunning example of demonstrating with your actions what it is you're trying to say with your words, Seth Godin released his latest mini-project, a free ebook called What Matters Now. Seth has been focusing more and more on what we can do, together and individually, to make a difference; he's also been a fierce advocate for pursuing new ways of doing this, from his stance on "free" (he's pro, and there are a couple of great pieces from other contributors on the subject, too) to his methodologies for teaching (cf. last year's un-MBA program) and marketing/promoting big ideas (cf. the way he promoted last year's program, as well as how he's promoting next year's new for-money book, Linchpin (which I've already pre-ordered).

Each entry is a brief music on some word, phrase or term. There are some nifty illustrated twists (oh, Hugh, you're so dreamy!), some cool "how-to"s, (I especially liked "1%", from Jackie Huba & Ben McConnell, of Church of the Customer fame), and lots and lots of straightforward, balls-out inspirational stuff.

Mainly, I love how generous the whole thing feels. Seth plucked that term from amongst many to muse on; it's clear that generosity occupies much of his thoughtspace, as well as his time and activity.

Yes, there's some business-y stuff and some marketing stuff in here. That's just one thin slice, though; most of the pieces are just wonderful ideas to keep in your head as the new year rolls around. And even the business stuff is either communications-centric or somehow involved with making the world a better place. All good, in other words.

Best of all? Free. Like I said, he's a generous (and smart) kinda fella.

xxx c

Referral Friday: Flan King

Referral Friday is an ongoing series inspired by John Jantsch's Make-a-Referral Week. For more about that, and loads more referrals for everything from cobblers to coaches to gee-tar teachers, start here. Pass it on, baby!

Welcome to Flan King!

I have been anticipating this day for years now.

Not because I can't get my own mitts on delicious Flan King flan any time I want to, because I can. I know the King; the King and I are like this.

No, I'm thrilled that the Flan King finally ships nationwide because now I can share the awesomeness that is Flan King flan with every one of my friends in these 50 United States. And by "share," I mean "tell you all so you can order it for yourselves." I am not made of money any more than I am the magic combination of ingredients that makes Flan King flan the most addictive of all desserts (and one of the few I will always go off the SCD for).

Special holiday shipping schedule for Flan King flan is here.

And remember the Communicatrix's unofficial slogan for Flan King: Even people who don't like flan will love Flan King.

Happy holidays!

xxx
c

Book review: Unclutter Your Life in One Week

dork_ssmallfry

There are two ways of looking at clutter, and they're equally important to getting a handle on it.

The first (which for most people ends up being the second) is the under-the-hood way: what's really going on between you and all that stuff you've stockpiled? What holes are you trying to fill, what anxieties soothe, what fears hold at bay? What, in other words, on the inside needs a little thought and attention. This is the kind of root-causes stuff that shrinks use to help facilitate change, the thought being (I think) that for many of us, identifying the root of the thing helps to illuminate the path out. (Or at the very least is that bell in your head that cannot be unrung.)

It's what I'd call the "inside-out" way: like Method acting, you work on the interior landscape first, which helps you to project the truth of the character on the exterior.

For this kind of examination, I fall firmly in the camp of my friend Brooks Palmer's clutterbusting ethos, as outlined in his excellent book and blog*. And there is a beautiful sort of symmetry to a decluttering methodology that is as spare and quiet as an uncluttered room itself.

The other way of looking at clutter, it follows, is an "outside-in" way.** This is the route traditional organizers have taken, before we all started drowning in so much shit that cramming it in ever more tightly-organized compartments became unfeasible.

The new wave of outside-in people definitely nod toward the inside-out folk, in that they recognize a lot of the attachment issues we have with stuff. But they're chiefly concerned with the mechanics of getting on with it.

For my money, and like most of us, I'm paying closer attention to it these days, Erin Rooley Doland's new book, Unclutter Your Life in One Week is an outstanding example of the practicality school of decluttering. By her own admission, Rooney Doland was a wretched clutterer before a desperate plea from her spouse woke her up; since then, she's worked assiduously to change her ways, and been quite methodical in her examination of useful techniques and the order in which they need to be done.

She's also really good at documenting and explaining them. Part of that, no doubt, comes from her conversion, but I think she's just a damned fine writer and thinker, besides. Her blog, Unclutterer, is daily proof of that, as well as of her generous attitude and cheery disposition. (Never underestimate the motivating powers of generosity and cheer when facing a self-made mountain of crap.)

Unclutterer, the blog, abounds with useful advice, and is a nice way to dip your toes in the waters of decluttering before you're ready to plunge in (and to keep you honest afterwards). Unclutterer, the book offers a detailed map of how to get there from here.

As the title suggests, it covers the decluttering process by breaking it down into days. The weekend counts as one, so there are six chapters devoted to step-by-step stuff, plus one that introduces the basic concepts ("a place for everything and everything in its place" figures prominently in the catechism) and another to prepare you for the aftermath (a.k.a. the rest of your life).

Rooney Doland admits that some of the tasks will take you longer than a day; having looped around this hill a few times, I think most of them would. But there are excellent exercises and ideas, along with detailed charts and checklists, making this one of the most actionable books on any self-help topic, not just decluttering. Some of the more interesting and potentially useful items in the book include:

  • a quiz to determine the way you process information (visual, auditory or kinesthetic), which in turn reveals the best ways for you to order things for peace and sanity in the future
  • an extensive system for re-thinking and reorganizing your paper filing system
  • the most thorough and well-thought-out plan for processing stuff as it comes into your house I've ever seen (her "reception station" puts my landing strip to shame)

Having come from a blog, with its ruthless schedule of post post post, probably accounts for the wealth of juicy tips studded here and there throughout the book. There are scads of these little "lightbulb" tips, from creating triggers for certain tasks to a regular event she dubs the Sock Purge, which I am instituting immediately.

No system will work unless you're willing and ready. Once you are, though, you'll want to find a guide that really speaks to you. If you're an outside-in type, or looking for some help that elaborates on the core directives of a Clutterbusting approach, this might well be the book for you.

xxx
c

*First-runner-up prize goes to Peter Walsh, who is the slick and edgy snarkster to Brooks' sly, gentle charmer. Not a bad thing, and his style has worked remarkably well for some people. Brooks' methodology was what made the tumblers fall for me, though.

**For those of you into the acting analogy, this is more of what the British school of acting is like. Yes, they care about the underlying emotions, but they spend a great deal more time working on the externals, movement, voice, etc., with the idea that creating the right external parameters informs interior behavior. The female cast of the magnificent Mad Men (an American program!) has said that you absolutely act differently in the trussed-up, high-maintenance clothes of the mid-century middle-class Western woman.

Image by Ssmallfry via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

Referral Friday: Indie music extravaganza, FOC-style

Referral Friday is an ongoing series inspired by John Jantsch's Make-a-Referral Week. For more about that, and loads more referrals for everything from cobblers to coaches to gee-tar teachers, start here. Pass it on, baby!

musica_ana_patricia_almeida

Sure, I dabble in music now and again, but I have friends who really know how to blow it out. So in honor of them, and to coincide with the holiday buying season, this week's Referral Friday is dedicated to those who are about to rock. And we do salute you!

*****
****
***

If you watch TV, you've no doubt seen the comedy stylings of Miss Molly Bryant holding up the work of the sitcom stars or being used to promote this hotel chain or that household cleaning product. She's like a taller, prettier, more talented of me, and her Funny Friend or Character Mom wound up in a lot more commercials than mine. Molly is nice enough that it never bothered me; I cheered on her every effort and celebrated her every win. But when I finally saw her on stage, singing her crazy-touching comic songs in her beautiful alto voice, she made me want to spread her word far and wide. Buy Take It Easy, slap on some headphones, and sing along. There, now, that's better, ain't it?

Links:

*****
****
***

People only familiar with Megan Mullally from her kooky (but brilliantly played) Karen on TV's Will & Grace are always stunned to hear her real voice; people who've only heard her speak are not only stunned to discover the colossal set of pipes Ms. Mullally was blessed with (and, let's be fair, nurtured well and long), but floored to discover the range of her musical tastes. I love all three of her three albums, but as of this writing, Free Again!, her latest, is the only one available for download on iTunes (you can also buy a physical copy via Amazon).

Links:

*****
****
***

Matt North is one of those annoying quadruple-threats: great drummer, great dad, great actor (loved his turn on Curb Your Enthusiasm) and great writer (I took over his column on LA Casting a few years ago, lowering it to the status of hackey-McHackerson). He's also a fantastic music producer: if (no, WHEN) I finally have the money and time to put together an album, I want him at the helm. And your helm, for that matter. Want proof? Check out I Can't Die In L.A., the album he co-authored, performed on and entirely by his own self produced. Fantastic, original alt-country awesome you'll be singing along with after one listen like you've known them all your life.

Links:

*****
****
***

There are not a lot of people writing and producing modern opera anymore. It's a wildly expensive endeavor and a royal pain-in-the-ass to mount (no, uh, pun intended). Mostly, though, to do it successfully requires a depth of training, breadth of learning and sense of humor that rarely co-exist in one individual. O-Lan Jones is one of those rare few, and boy, does she ever write and produce opera. The Woman Who Forgot Her Sweater is a modern-day fable that draws on all kinds of myths to tell a cautionary feminist tale that's ultimately about the necessity of following your heart's true calling. Oh, and there are these five kickass lions, too. Grrrowl.

Links:

*****
****
***

I have always had a thing for a man who knows his way around a piano. Rob Kendt is such a guy, and he augments his mad skillz at the ivories with a fine sense of humor, a way with words and a melancholy vocal grace. There are all kinds of fun joys to be found on his debut CD, I'm Not Sentimental, from the Elvis Costello-esque title-track rocker to his swingin', lounge-y mashup of Britney Spears and the Beatles ("Oops I Did Bungalow Bill"). Produced (natch) by our mutual friend, Matt North.

Links:

*****
****
***

Or hey, buy whatever media you want at the iTunes Music Store and drop a few holiday pennies into my pocket, too.

Happy listening!

xxx
c

Image by Ana Patrícia Almeida via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

(Full disclosure: all iTunes and Amazon links are affiliate ones that make me money. Not much, but still.)

Book review: Way of the Peaceful Warrior (or, the book that woke me up)

nikkimclure_wakeup

First, it was stumbling across this shockingly timely quote by Christopher Isherwood, the beauty and truth of which made me cry.

Next, it was swapping out my first-of-three annual Nikki McClure calendars from 2009 to make room for the first-of-three McClures for 2010 and noting what had been buried under all those months for all these months. (See above.) No crying, but not a little, "Hahaha, LOOK WHO WAS TRYING TO SEND YOU A MESSAGE 11 MONTHS AGO!"

Finally, in the midst of a mad dash of decluttering to peel the poppies from my eyelids, I was able to actually wake up long enough to tell the Resistor to suck it, because I knew what I had to write about:

Waking up.

Not how to wake up, because if it's even possible, it's well beyond the scope of my powers and one little review of one little self-help book. Hell, it's probably what this entire blog is about, if it's about anything, and five years into this process I'm only starting to get a grasp of how to do it intentionally and usefully. Honestly, I can't imagine phrasing the purpose of the search (nor the perils of ignoring it, nor the pain of actually executing it) more beautifully and succinctly than Isherwood, which is partly why I burst into tears. (Hey, never claimed to be done with envy.)

What I can do is write a long-overdue tribute to the one book above all others that helped me wake up. I'll consider it a closed loop, and maybe you'll find yourself a literary cup of coffee (or maybe you've already read it, are 100% sure it did and will do zero for you, and can move on to the next thing. Either way, good thing.)

A now-longtime friend pointed me to Way of the Peaceful Warrior, Dan Millman's classic self-help novel about a clueless youngster and the (I shit you not) mysterious gas station attendant who changes his life forever. It's a parable of awakening that's derived from real life (the protagonist's story mirrors Millman's own journey), containing mystical elements that may or may not be true. As with the consumption of most myths and parables, that sort of stuff is beside the point: what matters is what the stories in the book do to you as you take them in. Are you intrigued? Do you feel questions bubbling up? Recognition, self- or otherwise? Do you feel tumblers falling into place or a coating of dust being blown away? Do you want to climb in and disappear, or pull the characters out and ask them questions?

There is instruction galore, real, practical, tactical stuff, and you can take as much of it as you're ready for. I wasn't ready for much of it for the many annual re-readings I did of the book, nor, to be truthful, am I quite sure I'm ready for much more right now. I like my sugar and my coffee and my booze, I struggle with exercise and discipline in general, and we all know about my ongoing battles with clutter. Even if you're not quite ready to jump on the bandwagon, the story of someone just (or way) ahead of you on the path can be encouraging or inspiring. (Buddhist meditation teacher Jack Kornfield's talks, which I found via Joe Frank's "The Other Side" on NPR, served a similar purpose for me, and deserve a whole other post unto themselves.)

And if it is the right book for you, it will ring a bell that cannot be unrung: that reminder that yes, there's something else and yes, one foot after the other, given some purpose, luck and assistance, will get you there...

xxx
c


Black (Referral) Friday: Shop yer ass off with the communicatrix

Referral Friday is an ongoing series inspired by John Jantsch's Make-a-Referral Week. For more about that, and loads more referrals for everything from cobblers to coaches to gee-tar teachers, start here. Pass it on, baby!

presents_kevindooley

Just because I'm decluttering, doesn't mean I can't shop! I just (mostly) buy consumable goods, by which I mean shit that gets used up or used a lot.

I've collected a bunch of these favorite items for you, below; some have Amazon affiliate links, but at least as many are just awesome things from awesome people just like you. Because we're all going to get through this with joy and love in our hearts if it kills me.

Me? I don't want anything. Seriously, I'm good! But I will ask this: if you are shopping Amazon, I'd love it if you'd shop via my store (which has tons of great book ideas) or one of my links. For now, it helps keep me in the books I love reading and sharing, but I'm always open to the idea of more money flowing in (and back out!)

Don't forget there's also almost a full year of Referral Fridays to shop from (several of the items below were originally posted there), plus a slew of book reviews (via the shorty, catch-all, not-recently-updated page or the unwieldy tag.)

Thank you, and let's shop careful out there!

xxx
c

Food & beverages

The Best Dessert on Five Continents

The Flan King®'s official tagline is "Give your taste buds the royal TREATment!"®, but from the moment he vanquished my own skepticism back in 1997, my unofficial tagline for him has been "Even people who hate flan LOVE Flan King flan." There's a Flan King flan on every holiday table I set (or one that I crash, which makes me a much sought-after guest.) For now, the Flan King is L.A.-local only, but I have it on good authority that nationwide shipping will be available SOON...as in, in time for this holiday season. Get your orders in now, is all I'm sayin'...

The poor(ish) man's perfect cup of coffee: a multi-step/present odyssey

Have you heard there's a little recession we're in these days? Yeah. Well, that's no reason you or your loved ones should drink crappy coffee. In fact, it's all the more reason to drink the good stuff--you just shouldn't pay a lot for it, if you can avoid it.

  • First, get a stovetop espresso maker (aka moka pot , 3-cup style, $19.95 on Amazon). It will do you fine, provided you use the right coffee, which is Caffe Umbria's Gusto Crema Blend, if you're going all out. If you're really on a budget, I recommend either Bay Blend or Organic Fair Trade Five-Country Espresso Blend, both from Trader Joe's.
  • Next, grind matters. Those little Krups jobbies are okay, but if you or your loved one is a big-time coffee person, I'd invest in a burr grinder. The BF bought the Solis Crema Maestro ($149 on Amazon) and, with some fiddling on the grind, we can now make coffee, not apologies.
  • Finally, you know about good water, right? (Please, tell me you know about good water.) At the very least, get yourself a Brita; we use Sears' countertop and under-counter single-stage filters, to deal with the chlorine (and rust balls from my rental apartment pipes).

Pears! Pears! Pears!

My dad sent us Harry & David pears for every occasion they were still in season. I laughed a little, but after he died, I found myself buying them myself--for myself, and for a very select few folks on my list. They ain't cheap, but they're insanely good. It was all I could do to keep from pulling off the I-5 at Medford to go lick the packing plant.

Adornments, Art and Arty Stuff

  • One of my earliest Referral Fridays was for Andrea Scher's Superhero Designs. I still say that barring my grandfather's speech team gold medal (which I wear on a gold choker), they're the prettiest necklaces around.
  • I discovered Dave Sheely's beautiful rings (Etsy shop, various prices, sizes & colors) after I began decluttering, but believe me: once I pare down my stuff, I'll start building up again with these. Breathtaking, and super-fashionista.
  • Hey! In case you weren't paying attention the first time I told ya, there are 2009 reindeer (various prices & cities, for now) making their way around the globe, courtesy of Brad Nack (full disclosure: Brad was a former client). One of them is going to end up in my home; if you're smart and lucky, one will end up in yours (or the home of someone you love).
  • I own two original Walt Taylor (aka Sparky Donatello, aka Crackskull Bob) drawings and love them so. Sparky/Walt has no originals for sale currently, but you can get a collection of his work via Lulu titled Downtown for the positively weird price of $29.82.
  • Good as they are, the photos up at 20x200 do not do justice to the art of Mr. Mike Monteiro. Take my word for it: kickass stuff. (There is also an array of genius tshirts ($20, mostly) at his Mule Design shop. Remember this one? Yowsa, and hot damn.
  • I am also mad for the beautiful, charming, witty and impeccably produced shirts (various prices) of my design hero, Mr. Chris Glass, available for purchase at Wire & Twine.

Needful things

  • New year calls for a new calendar, right? I give my highest snooty Virgo calendar snob recommendation to Nikki McClure's paper cut calendar, which I've used for several years now. Last year, I hit on the bright idea of buying three, that I might survey the quarter with ease; now everyone may enjoy the Nikki McClure 3-pack! ($40 for three, plus shipping) Or, you know, keep one and give the other two as gifts, like a normal person.
  • Oh, what I won't do when this accursed decluttering is over with and I've used up all my notebooks and can start buying Field Notes ($9.95 for 3, plus shipping) like the cool kids. And did you know there are subscriptions you can buy that get you various colored Field Notes throughout the year? Watch the video and use the coupon code on the page for $20 off through November 30. You lucky clutterer, you.
  • I've been lovin' up my Envirosax (3-pack, $37.90 on Amazon) since Oprah pimped them in her magazine some four...five years ago? They're nylon, which is not exactly earth-friendly, but they roll up small and pack light so you (or your loved ones) will always, always have one on you (or them), thereby passing on more of the plastic and paper. Good stuff.

Miscellaneous consumables to make you feel fancy

  • Yeah, yeah--I like those Red Currant jobbies, too. Unfortunately, I am not made of money. And fortunately, I live in sunny SoCal, where I can buy Farmers Market Candles ($10 + shipping) for ten bucks and haul them home myself. You, poor thing, will have to pay for shipping. It's worth it. TEN BUCKS. I should be getting a cut, dammit.
  • I have used Vitabath ($24.42 on Amazon) since I graduated from Mr. Bubble. Tried other bath & shower stuff, but come back every time, overscented tail between my legs. This stuff is the best. A little goes a long way, so it's not as expensive as it seems. Whoever you give it to will thank you forever.
  • I hate patchouli and stinky hippies. I race past that guy outside the P.O. selling the horrible head-shop stuff that brings back Proustian memories of one ill-fated, 100% high summer (and stinky hippies). But I love love LOVE every stick of incense I've burned from Shoyeido. My especial fave is "Diamond-Power" ($3.50 for 40 sticks) but really, hard to go wrong. Expensive for incense, but CHEAP for presents. I buy it by the case.
  • Okay: this one is NOT cheap. Still, Lollialife, while very expensive, makes one feel sexy (smells amazing) AND stealth (comes in teensy metal tubes). I can only vouch for the "Breathe" fragrance ($7 for 1 oz., yikes!); the others smell like grandma to me. But it's the bomb. If you're getting it as a gift, buy one for yourself or have it shipped it straight from the source, to reduce temptation.

For kids!

Aunts! Grandparents! Godparents! I didn't know this, so you might not, either, but Tessy is an adorable duck! And Tab is an equally adorable kangaroo! Together, they have all kinds of adventures which are then written up, colorfully illustrated and mailed out twice monthly to rabid fans in the 2 - 5-year-old set who apparently have no idea they are learning reading and math skills. Sure, you could fill the landfills with more crap, but how much better would it be for that little one in your life to get ACTUAL MAIL addressed to them twice monthly? A lot. The Tessy & Tab Reading Club ($48/year for 24 issues).

Image by kevin dooley via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

Book review: Who's Got Your Back

youngfriends_Gwennypics

Retailers' ambitious notions of seasons aside, as of this week we officially slide into the most demanding part of the year, otherwise known as "that infernal holiday season."

Me, I like a good party and a wee bit of revelry as much as the next gal. But Thanksgiving-to-New-Year's here in the West is big, demanding and overly sprawling, full of relentless socializing, pernicious consumerism and eggnog. Okay, not so much eggnog anymore (and certainly not on the SCD), but you get my drift: there's a reason my holiday card from 1982 was about excess, and it's not because I was a college student rolling in dough.

Somehow, I've managed to opt out of a lot of the madness in recent years. Most of my immediate family either died or stopped talking to me (only the latter is my fault), and it's fairly easy to keep the commitments to a minimum when you're self-employed with only family of choice. It is not enough to cut things out, however: we must be generative and thoughtful, making things rather than just tearing them down (or locking ourselves in the bedroom with a stack of old MGM DVDs and a bottle of Pinot.) So I now use the holiday season for reflection and planning.

I've spoken before of my love for Ginny Ditzler's Your Best Year Yet. I've done her backwards/forwards, heart-centered goal-setting plan for several years now, and I can personally attest to the magic of it. While I cannot similarly vouch for my friend Chris Guillebeau's method, I think that his meteoric rise and staggering list of accomplishments is proof enough. (And if you're L.A.-local or up for a visit and like reading my stuff and are looking for some one-on-one help, I'm guessing my friend Peleg Top's retreat might be just the thing for you.)

If stuff isn't happening as quickly as you might like, and/or if you're just an overachieving, diehard-DIYer type like yours truly, I'm going to throw another book on the pile for you: Who's Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep Relationships that Create Success, and Won't Let You Fail. (And now that we have the Mad, Mad World of book subtitles, can we go back to the good old days of Moby-Dick or even How to Win Friends and Influence People?)

As you might suspect, the business books I like the most are the ones that are only nominally about business. What I really want are great stories that help me unlock my brain, with maybe a few how-tos thrown in there to fill the newly-opened spaces. Most of Keith Ferrazi's latest book* is really well-argued rationale for finding that mirror you really need to look in, filled with great stories about how the light finally went on for him. (It's a great story involving former Sony Pictures chairman Peter Guber, and it actually sent chills through me, it was so startling and spot-on.) I was distracted and agitated while reading most of it, which may account for my not finding what I thought was enough in there about actually locating the right people to be on your accountability/guidance panel.

The section that makes it all worthwhile, though, is perfection: in Section Four, he lays out precisely how to conduct a meeting of your own, personal mastermind group (they're called "Greenlight Groups" in Ferrazzi-speak, including the principles that should be informing the group, rules of engagement, and a bit about recruitment/vetting/voting people in. It's pretty comprehensive for just being one piece of one chapter; nestled as it is in a book full of juicy stories delivering the "why," it's a pretty useful "how."

Other fine bits of useful information include learning to differentiate between the different types of support you need in your life and a really excellent section on goal-setting, complete with a distribution pie chart thingy that is amazingly close to the aforementioned Ginny Ditzler's. The similarity was so close, it made me wonder if Ferrazzi's book isn't the perfect companion piece to Ditzler's: use the latter to suss out your goals, and the former to find the right people to help keep you on track.

Before I even finished it, I recommended Who's Got Your Back to two friends who are at a point in their careers much like Ferrazzi was when he had his breakthrough around asking for help. They're established and successful and substantial at the first tier, ready to go nation- (or world-) wide. They are into a whole other level of biggification, as my friend, Havi, likes to call it.

But I can see that there is also valuable information in there for me, the slightly smaller lady cowering in my safe, rent-controlled abode of 10 years. Relationships, I finally realized this year, are the underlying structure that supports all growth, business or otherwise. So I'll definitely be reviewing that part of Section Four as I mull over how to improve my own group experiences in 2010. And I may re-read the rest of it, as well, to help goose myself into moving toward the bigger bigness, after all...

xxx
c

*Ferrazzi also wrote Never Eat Alone, which I imagine is one of those Do One Thing Different(ly)** books, where you really only have to read the title to get the gist of the innards.

**Yeah, the "-ly" is mine. Can't help it.

Image by Gwennypics via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

Referral Friday: Camas Hotel

Referral Friday is an ongoing series inspired by John Jantsch's Make-a-Referral Week. For more about that, and loads more referrals for everything from cobblers to coaches to gee-tar teachers, start here. Pass it on, baby!

camashotel

When I was announcing to people in L.A. and environs that I was heading up to Portland, they'd invariably ask, "Why Portland?"

When I'd announce to people in Portland that for a big hunk of the time, I was actually going to be staying in Camas, they'd ask, "Why Camas?" Or sometimes, in the case of my car-free and/or bike-happy friends, "Where the hell is Camas?"

Camas is a tiny Washington town just across the Columbia River from Portland. It sprung up around an old mill that's still in operation, albeit with far fewer employees (that's automation for you) and a new name (ditto, conglomeration). It's got a mid-sized city to one side and another tiny town to the other, and a whole lot of natural beauty every damned place you look. It's also home to one of the most adorable small hotels it's been my pleasure to stay in for some time.

The 100-year old Camas Hotel had fallen from grace when its present owners, Karen and Tom Hall, fell in love with her beautiful bones and decided to restore the rest of her. They went above and beyond, by all counts, I got the lowdown from the wife of the town's retired GP, a 52-year resident of Camas who was treating her husband to a night in one of the Camas Hotel's beautifully appointed rooms in honor of his 80th, or was it 85th?, birthday.

Didn't get a chance to grill him on the history of the town or the hotel: he was out for his regular morning constitutional. (Note to self: time to reinstate the regular morning constitutional, and to add hills.) But everyone in the town whom I did speak to, and I spoke to pretty much everyone I ran into, as they're a friendly lot, concurred: the new and improved Camas Hotel is every bit of both. I can personally vouch for the meticulously rebuilt bathrooms with their period-style mosaics and HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP the beds! The beds. I slept the sleep of the dead every night, which was just what I needed to do for that week.

Once there, you're a walk away from the awesome in any direction. I got a fine, $45 haircut at a nearby salon, plenty of good work time in at the gorgeous new Camas Library (which recently won an award for being the finest in the state) and had delicious Chinese food from the shop around the corner. There were at least three spa-type places, for them of you what indulges, plus a high-end pizza joint, a wine bar, several other tasty-looking restaurants, scads of cute shops and an old-fashioned post office that still smells good. Oh, and the corner diner, with its floor to ceiling windows on two sides (and they is some high ceilings, boy howdy), makes a fine borscht. So you know.

The time I didn't spend in the above I spent at the world's greatest coffee shop, Piccolo Paradiso. I dropped staggering amounts of money there, considering I mostly just indulged in the phenomenal Americanos. Pam, the owner, fell madly in love with Italy some 16 trips back, and Italian excellence pervades the joint: delicious pastries and tasty-looking snacks, fine wines from Italy (natch) and of course, that old Italian stand-by, free wifi! I also picked up several bottles of well-curated, locally-produced wine to give as gifts; my hosts thus far have let me sample and, um, I'm planning one last swing by there to pick up some more on my way up to Seattle today.

Should you make a trip up to Camas just to see Camas? Your call. If you are a lover of hikes in nature (or Pendleton jackets, factory is one town away!), possibly. But if you're in Portland, or Portland-bound, or doing a Portland-to-Seattle tour, by all means treat yourself to a day and a night in town.

And tell Karen & Tom "hi!" from me...

xxx
c

Referral Friday: Put this on!

Referral Friday is an ongoing series inspired by John Jantsch's Make-a-Referral Week. For more about that, and loads more referrals for everything from cobblers to coaches to gee-tar teachers, start here. Pass it on, baby!

_DMR7249

Back on traveling holiday, with the cable TV access* that entails, I'm reminded again of what a vast wasteland the world of commercially-produced "entertainment" truly is.

In stark contrast to this lies the brave, new world of consumer-generated entertainment: all of the wonderful things people make on their own, fueled by love or passion or some combination thereof. The stuff you see on YouTube and Vimeo, Flickr and Twitter, blogs and podcasts and pretty much any other digital outlet available these days.**

What's especially wonderful is watching the ancillary services and ideas popping up to support this space (you'll pardon the hackneyed bizspeak) as it matures. YouTube has added revenue sharing as one way to encourage budding content producers, of course, but what is really thrilling to me is stuff like Kickstarter, a site helping people raise funds for their projects via crowdsourcing.

Put This On!, a delightful new show devoted to the idea that it's time for men to get down with "dressing like grownups," is one of those projects. Created by (full disclosure) my friend, Adam Lisagor (of You Look Nice Today fame) and Jesse Thorn (America's Radio Sweetheartâ„¢ and star of PRI's The Sound of Young America), the show and companion blog detail the details of men's style that make it worth paying attention to. It's charming and interesting and informative, which is pretty much the ding-ding-ding trifecta of my own personal entertainment criteria.

The writer-producer-sartorialists successfully raised the money for their pilot episode through Kickstarter by offering various treats for differing levels of commitment. Now they're boldly moving forward and plotting their next six episodes, offering more goodies for the people who help them put this good stuff on the internets.

You can chip in anything from $3 to $1000 (and up, most certainly!), receiving anything from their hearty thanks to full producer credit for the entire season, plus an embroidered jumpsuit. I kicked in $200, enough to make myself realize I mean it, but just shy of a jumpsuit (that decluttering thing, or I'd be on it like white on rice).

Putting aside that they are both of them lovely and talented young gents, I'm supporting them in what is for me a financially significant way because I see it as my emphatic vote for the way I'd like things to be: excellent and fine, made with quality, attention and care by anyone who chooses to make them, not just folks with a golden ticket that gets them past the gates of Willy Wonka's Magic Network. And no, I'm not saying that everything you'll see via a major outlet is crap (although much of it is) and that there's no value in a vetting process by smart people. There is; this is just another flavor of that, and equally viable.

At least, as someone with a number of creative projects I'd eventually like to bring to a broader audience, I'd like to think so.

Folks! We're at the beginning of a bold and exciting, Wild-West kinda time. We can all help to make something beautiful together. Take a gander at the pilot Adam and Jesse made. If you like it, consider kicking in a few bucks. Or just enjoy the wonderful blog for now and pass along the word to a friend.

As Jesse said recently, the title is more appropriate than they perhaps knew when they came up with it: we really can put this on...

xxx
c

Photo © Dustin Roe of: (l to r) Jesse Thorn, Huell Howser (who LOVED the pilot!) and Adam Lisagor.

*Not to be confused with cable access TV, which is almost always entertaining in its own way.

**In no way do I mean to diminish the marvelousness that is actual, live creating, I single out digital because it can be enjoyed outside of one locus,

Show me yer rig! (Google Reader edition)

First off, I'm gonna keep on makin' these things until you tell me to stop, or until I get better at them, or both.

Second, uh...off, I'd originally intended to do a screencast on Evernote, my favorite digital scoop-'em-up device, but then Evernote decided to take the site down for a little maintenance right as I was getting ready to roll, so I went with Google Reader instead. (Look for a doodly-wah on Evernote at a later date.)

While I do my my best to be entertaining as all get-out, those of you who are already web-savvy may want to skip this one. There's a bit in there about some tricks I use to keep my GR nice and tidy; you can skip to the last third of the video for that portion, including a visual demo of the excellent Gina Trapani's excellent Better GReader add-on for Firefox.

But if you only ever read this site by actually going to the site, or if you only read sites by subscribing via email, you're in for a treat!

Here's the video. Click on the button with the four arrows to make it BIG, baby:

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=7527611&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1

Show me yer rig! (Google Reader edition) from communicatrix on Vimeo.

At some point, I'll figure out how to actually edit these and make them slick and purdy. Until then (and even after), I'd be most grateful for your feedback. Too long? Too short? Features I'm blipping over?

Thanks!

xxx
c

BONUS TIP: from commenter Claire, to only show the blogs with updates, click on the downward arrow tab next to "Subscriptions" and select "Show Updated." Nifty! Anyone else?

Referral Friday: Bowls of fire, buckets of ire

Referral Friday is an ongoing series inspired by John Jantsch's Make-a-Referral Week. For more about that, and loads more referrals for everything from cobblers to coaches to gee-tar teachers, start here. Pass it on, baby!

firebowl

I'd dipped into the work and writing of artist John T. Unger years ago, when I first started blogging.

An inventive and talented artist with a generous spirit, Unger not only makes a good living by using the web, he shares his knowledge and experiences out loud on his blog for the benefit of other people on the same path. What's more, he does it with as much style, humor and care as he seems to put into his art; I'm a sucker for any fine artist who can also write his ass off.

He even cares about his ecological footprint! Unger's main art these days takes the form of these delightful firebowls, one of which is pictured above. Rather than create them from new materials, he works with salvaged materials from the scrap heap, and fashions them into usable works of art durable enough to last for generations. And he's doing all of these from the sticks in Michigan, helping to pump money back into the local economy. Making money and making art while he changes the world in his own small way? When I'm ready for a firebowl, count me in!

Unfortunately, he's currently enmeshed in the some of the weirdest, unpleasant-est litigation I've heard of in a while; "Kafka-esque" comes to mind. It's complex, as these things generally are, so I'll just quote what Unger himself wrote on his site:

My original art has been copied by a manufacturer who is now suing me in federal court to overturn my existing copyrights and continue making knockoffs. I have a strong case, a great lawyer and believe that if I can continue to defend myself, the case will be resolved in my favor. If I run out of funds before we reach trial, a default judgment would be issued against me and could put me out of business. I don't believe my opponent can win this case in court and I don't believe he really intends to try. I believe his goal is to use strong-arm litigation tactics to force me to keep spending money or risk losing my copyrights , not by true adjudication, but by default if he is able to outspend me.

Unger has already spent $50,000 of his own money to defend himself, but he'll need a lot more firepower (I know, I'm hilarious) if he's going to expose this weasel for the weasel he is.

To raise the necessary funds, he's selling his firebowls at a discount and also offering smaller pieces of specially created art for purchase on Kickstarter, the crowdsourcing fundraiser site.

As he says, he'd rather trade you art for your money, but he is accepting donations of any amount as well. I'm still downsizing, so I downsized myself out of a little cash for the cause.

Ultimately, in addition to having right prevail personally, and being able to continue to use his art to support his family, he's hoping to raise awareness about copyright issues on behalf of all artists. If for no other reason, I support him for that, although as someone who has gotten much value from the information he's shared, I'm only too happy to support him in some small way.

I hope you will, too, and that you'll pass along this message to your people as well.

Fight the power! With fire!

(Okay, really, no more bad jokes...)

xxx
c

List Wednesday: Great fiction for readers, writers and other story-curious folk

reading_Tom@HK

This blog isn't the only work of...well, something that had an anniversary lately.

Back in 2006, I started writing a column for professional and aspiring-professional actors about the non-acting aspects of the business. Over time, it's morphed into more of a marketing column, but I still try to slip in little bits of helpful info I feel they might not be getting from other sources. Because for some reason, and this is a sad thing that makes me a little bit crazy, most actors will not consume anything unless it specifically states "MADE FOR ACTORS." Such a shame, because not only are there so many other equally, if not more wonderful sections of the bookstore to learn from (and I'm using "bookstore" literally and metaphorically), we often learn more and better lessons about our areas of interest from sources outside of them: less at stake means less noise means more room for the stuff to sneak its way in.

A few months ago, I wrote a piece about the five non-acting books every actor should read. In it, I tossed off a remark about how smart actors (the ones I really write the columm for) can learn about how characters are drawn and their place in shaping story by reading great fiction. One smart actor wrote to me (see? it works!) and asked for a list, as long as I could muster, but at least 10. How could I not oblige?

Here's what I shared with him:

  1. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain
  2. Diary of a Mad Housewife, by Sue Kaufman (the movie is also good)
  3. Revolutionary Road, by Richard Yates
  4. Easter Parade, by Richard Yates
  5. The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger
  6. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, by Michael Chabon
  7. Harriet the Spy, by Louise Fitzhugh
  8. The Long Secret, by Louise Fitzhugh
  9. A Handful of Dust, by Evelyn Waugh
  10. Sophie's Choice, by William Styron
  11. Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen
  12. Lucky Jim, by Kingsley Amis
  13. Factotum, by Charles Bukowski

As a bonus-extra, I threw in some collections of short stories I particularly like for this exercise (and also because they kick ass):

This is by no means a list of all-time best fiction, although any of these could live there happily. This is a character-driven list, where characters are there not only as agents to move the story forward (magical realism, I'm looking at you!) but to illuminate certain aspects of the human condition that other tools of fiction might not. They're characters I find especially compelling and well-drawn, even though, or maybe especially because, in some cases, they reveal their clock springs slowly.

I figured that since it's NaNoWriMo, it might be a fun list to float out there. As Merlin says in his own pep talk from the sidelines, the important thing is not to let reading get in the way of your writing time. But to stay inspired? Hell, yeah, you should read!

Any other great characters out there that should be on the list (where the books themselves are also extraordinary)? Add 'em in the comments, and let's all commence to readin'!

xxx
c

Image by Tom@HK via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.


Book review: Design It Yourself

bizcard_yuichirock

Even though the official Saluteâ„¢ is over, with six bags of books ready to go to the used book store on my next trip out that way, I thought it might be interesting to take a look at some of the titles that made the cut.

I've pulled D.I.Y.: Design It Yourself from the shelf on the last five purges, but I've never been able to let it go.

An exceptionally well-thought out and equally well-produced book, Design It Yourself is crammed (in the prettiest possible way) full of ideas and information about conceiving and executing design projects of all kinds, from logos to photo albums to websites. It seems targeted to what I'd call the ambitious beginner, these aren't particularly scary projects, and there are ideas that range from super-simple to pretty advanced, but all of them require a kind of roll-up-your-sleeves attitude towards making your own stuff, and assume a level of lively interest in the mechanics and principles of good design.

Or, to put it another way, you could start with any particular project, a business card or a t-shirt, a press kit or printed book, and start to develop a fundamental understanding of the way things work, design-wise. The editor, Ellen Lupton, and the many contributors (all grads from the MFA program at Maryland Institute of Art) don't want to just walk you through how to put together a newsletter or roll your own notecards; they'd like you to see the beauty in thinking of things from a design standpoint, how they work, and why they work better when you take a thoughtful, holistic view of things.

The best way to do that is to demystify what they can, which they do in excellent overviews of design theory, branding and the DIY ethos, and then to make it all look incredibly sexy and fun. Which, I'm here to say, it is. Once you get your hands a little dirty with this stuff, you get sort of addicted to it.

Even if you decide you'd rather turn certain jobs over to the pros, the pictures, projects and stories will inspire you to open up and embrace your creative side a little more readily. Plus I'm fairly sure they'll make you a much better client, it's always easier to get good work out of someone when you have respect for what they do, and some understanding of how to evaluate and participate in the process.

Bottom line: if you're looking to get a few ideas for the big gifting season coming up hard upon us, or a little smarter about how to look at design in general, Do It Yourself is a fine place to start. And definitely, a fun one.

xxx
c

Image by yuichirock via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license.

Clearing my (psychic) clutter, Day 16: iTunes clutter (video)

I've somewhat neglected the removal of digital clutter thus far in my quest, as I'm home amongst the physical stuff for now and will be removed from it for 2+ weeks while I'm on the road.

I did take some putter-y, relaxation time to declutter my music files over the past weekend, though, and as I was combing through things, sorting and deleting, it occurred to me that there might be some utility in sharing my methods for taming the electronic hydra that is my iTunes folder. This screencast runs down a bunch of tools and tricks I've gathered over the years and includes stuff like

  • using tags to create playlists
  • the kinds of playlists (and playlist groups) I've found useful and fun
  • setting up a master playlist so that you can let iTunes deejay your whole collection without having that pesky podcast, screaming guitar or Christmas song jump in and stomp on your audio buzz

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=7303775&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1

Show me yer rig! (iTunes edition) from communicatrix on Vimeo.

Remember, if you click the little button in the bottom-right corner of the player, you can watch it in full-screen mode. And if you click through to Vimeo, you should be able to watch it in high-def, very helpful with all that teensy type. Also, I've enlarged the mouse pointer thingy this time, which may help with legibility.

Not strictly about decluttering, although it gets one thing off my to-do list!

Please let me know what you think in the comments!

xxx
c