100 Things I Learned in 2007, Part II

still the best dog

Wrapping up this fine and crazy year in 50 short-to-medium numbered items. If you have OCD or something like that, you might want to read the first 50 short-to-medium numbered items first.

  1. I may not be a dog person, but I’m definitely an Arnie person.
  2. In every possible figurative sense, my eyes will probably always be bigger than my stomach.
  3. Television? What television?
  4. The shortest distance between two points is often a half-bottle of chianti.
  5. Time crawls when you commit to doing something every day for 30 days.
  6. The strongest proof of global warming may just be a visit to my apartment in September.
  7. Life is better with regularly scheduled Ladies’ Nights.
  8. And TextExpander.
  9. Just because you have seen someone over and over on the internet does not mean they are ready to embrace you as an old friend when you finally greet them during a surprise run-in at the coffee shop.
  10. Especially when they are four.
  11. And you are interfering with their immediate receipt of hot chocolate.
  12. Lead by example.
  13. Podcasts are easier heard than made.
  14. Bank accounts are easier closed than opened.
  15. The price of grinding your teeth at night has more than doubled since 1998.
  16. There may be a wearout number of viewings for Play Misty for Me, but at 50, I’ve yet to hit it.
  17. No matter how evolved I get, from time to time, I will be That Asshole.
  18. Designing album covers is every bit as cool as you thought it would be when you were 10.
  19. Even if the albums are now only 5″x5″.
  20. And will mostly be downloaded anyway.
  21. Despite optometrists’ exhortations to the contrary, you do not actually need to buy a new pair of glasses every year.
  22. If you want something done, schedule it.
  23. You never know where your next job will come from.
  24. That goes double if you have a blog.
  25. Those classes at the Learning Annex are as educational as you’d expect them to be.
  26. That doesn’t mean you won’t learn from them.
  27. The Central Coast is even better when seen from the picture window of your own, private rental home.
  28. Never say “never.”
  29. On the other hand, “no” is a really good thing to say from time to time.
  30. If Malcolm Gladwell does not want to be my next boyfriend, Jonathan Coulton will do just fine.
  31. Or Bob McBarton, if I can convince him to leave his adorable wife and daughter.
  32. Or Dan Savage, if he’d be into batting for the other team.
  33. The point where dreams get truly difficult is when they start coming true.
  34. You can’t quit (or start) until you’re ready.
  35. When it comes to letting my hair go, I’m still a total scrotum.
  36. The best birthday presents are the ones that cost nothing and show up unexpectedly.
  37. It is way more fun to marry other people than to marry, period.
  38. Trying to compose 100-things lists in the WP text editor is like trying to make a pie wearing mittens.
  39. She who doth not invoice, doth not get paid.
  40. Let it go.
  41. Really, just let it go.
  42. I’m serious…let it the fuck go, already!!!
  43. Boobage is a pain in the ass.
  44. People are amazingly good at providing help.
  45. Especially when you ask.
  46. Sadly, nothing much has changed from a management perspective since Upton Sinclair’s time.
  47. Happily, much has changed regarding access to the means of production.
  48. The less you make of the holidays, the more fun they are.
  49. Even if you own, you’re only renting.
  50. When in doubt, put on Django Reinhardt…

Happy new year, one and all!


It may be a while before I post another one of these, so…






  1. I’ve really enjoyed your 100 things list. I’d write my own, but I think you’ve given out all the best points there are to cover. Well done!

  2. > …“no” is a really good thing to say from time to time.

    That’s my favorite. In business and personally, saying “no”
    usually puts money in my pocket, builds self-esteem, and
    satisfies my need for deferred gratification.


  3. #17 rings true for me but i think what has changed over the years is that I finally recognize it and feel bad and apologize when possible. Have a great new year. Here’s to making major moves in the ’08!

  4. Charles – Oh, I’ll bet you could come up with a few others. I mean, Minnesota? Athleticism? That’s way out of my realm of experience.

    Jon – I know. Counterintuitive, but seems to work.

    ritzy p – Amen. Most of the journey seems to be about getting down with whatever. As my first shrink/astrologer used to say, you don’t change; you just get better at doing an end run around your bullshit.

    I’m paraphrasing, but you get my point!

  5. #21 Until you hit that ripe age when you hear things from you optometrist (who looks old enough to have just stepped in from pep squad practice) like “Your prescription has changed dramatically in less than two years time.” Is this the snake-oil talking? No, it’s my middle age talking (and it explains my dizziness and inability to read). C, please do me a favor and write that book that talks about doing this whole thing gracefully. Thanks for another outstanding year of sharing your humanity with the rest of us. Wishing you, Arnie (adorable!), and all your dear ones health, happiness and peace in 2008.

  6. Mary Ellen – Dizziness!?! INABILITY TO READ!!!?!?!?!!11!

    Get on that shit now, girlfriend! My main resistance to buying new glasses this year was my profound dissatisfaction with last year’s pair. Spent a fortune, hate them, barely wear them. Plus, it’s still easier for me to pop my glasses off to read. Like my dad used to. Oy.

    Aging gracefully? Isn’t that called “living?” Aren’t there enough books about that already, by writers far better than I? ;-)

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